


Quarantine

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, M/M, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 07:46:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/795624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair runs into a former lover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quarantine

## Quarantine

by Pink Dragon

I'd really love to know if anybody actually reads these disclaimers. <g> I do, and there are some absolutely brilliant and creative disclaimers out there, of which this is not one of. Or something. Anyway, not mine. Fuckety-fuck.

"Q" in the ABC series. This is un-betaed. This story can be blame . . uh, I mean, I have to thank Afropuff for inspiring this bit of angst. On her lovely rec page she described my little ditties as "pretty much angst-free." So what's an obsessive-compulsive supposed to do but attempt to cover all the bases? <g> BTW, go check out her site! http://1tuffpuff.tripod.com/

Post TSbBS. 

* * *

It's him. It's Tommy. I haven't seen him for several months. He's just come in the dining room of the restaurant where Jim and I are having dinner. He's with a woman. The hostess seats them at a table and leaves them with menus. He hasn't seen me. He looks the same, just as good, dark hair, almost black, long and straight and fine as silk, and dark eyes that always held laughter. 

"Jim, excuse me for a minute, would you? I see someone I used to know." 

"Sure, Blair. Bring her over and introduce her, huh?" he says, grinning at me and forking up a big bite of steak. 

I flip him the bird, put my napkin down on the table, get up, and walk across the restaurant to the table where Thomas and his friend are seated. I step close to him and say quietly. "Hey, Thomas." 

He looks up at me, surprise, then pleasure, showing in his eyes, then sadness. I'm sorry to see that. "Blair. Hey, how are you?" His voice is soft, sad, and goes straight to my heart, just like it always did. 

"I'm good, man. How are you?" 

"Okay, doing okay." He pulls a chair out and motions for me to sit. 

"No, Tommy, I don't mean to butt in, I just wanted to say hello." 

"It's okay, sit down for a minute. I'd like you to meet Angela Pierson." He glances across at the woman he's with, who smiles at me and holds out her hand to shake. 

"Blair Sandburg," I say, offering my hand. 

"Pleasure to meet you, Blair Sandburg. I've heard a lot about you." 

"Uh oh," I say, and send a grimace to Thomas. They both laugh. 

Then Thomas says, "Blair, it's so good to see you. Do you think we could get together sometime? Get a cup of coffee or something?" 

I shrug my shoulders and lower my eyes, and say, "Um, I don't know... I just wanted to say hi." 

"Just a coffee? Please?" 

"Well, I guess that would be okay. How about after work Monday?" 

"That'd be great. Six o'clock okay? At Perry's?" Perry's is the coffeehouse we used to go to when we were lovers. Before I left his bed for Jim's. 

"Yeah, that'd be fine." He grins at me, and my heart does a little lurch. Oh, fuck. I'm still in love with him. Talk about repression. "I'll see you Monday, then. Nice to meet you, Angela." She smiles at me and I get up to leave. Thomas holds out a hand and I take it, and he squeezes mine gently, that beautiful smile lighting up his face. 

"See you Monday," he says softly. I smile at him, turn, and go back to Jim. 

When I sit down Jim says, "Is that someone from Rainier?" 

"No. Thomas is a musician. We met when he was playing at a coffeehouse I used to go to." 

"Ah. Musician, huh?" He says it like it's a dirty word. That irks me, just a bit. 

"Not all musicians are flakes, Jim. He went to Julliard. He plays classical guitar, and damn well, I might add. He plays with the Cascade Symphony." 

"Hey, sorry, Chief. No offense." 

"I'm going to meet him for coffee Monday after work. I probably won't be more than an hour or so." 

"Sure, no problem, babe." 

<><><><><>

I park just down the street from Perry's. Thomas' Corvette is parked a couple of spaces away. He's here early and so am I. I've been looking forward to this, and dreading it at the same time, for two days. I'm not sure I should be here. 

When I go in, it's just like I remember it. Dark and intimate, with hot jazz playing softly in the background and the overwhelming smell of rich coffee with undertones of cinnamon and chocolate. Most of the tables are full, and all of the booths. Thomas is in a booth at the back corner of the room. He stands and motions to me when he sees me come in. He's smiling. 

"Hey, Tommy," I say as I slide into the seat opposite him. There are two mugs of steaming coffee on the table. 

"Blair," he says softly. "I'm glad you came. I wasn't sure you would." 

"Well, I wasn't sure I would, either," I say quietly, looking away. 

"I ordered us a couple of Konas. That okay with you?" 

He remembers. I grin at him. "Yeah, that's fine. Always was my favorite." He's watching me carefully, a small smile on his face. 

He reaches across the table and takes my hand in his and whispers, "It's good to see you again, Blair. I've missed you." I pull my hand away slowly, and the smile slips off his face. He says, "So, how have you been? Cops keeping you busy?" 

"Yeah, never a dull moment, man. Went to question a witness the other day and the son-of-a-bitch pulled a gun on me. Ended up being the guy we were looking for all along." 

"Oh wow. What happened?" 

"Jim decked him." 

"Well. I guess big and buff is good for something after all." 

"Jim's okay, Tommy. He still tries to protect me even though I've got my own gun now." 

"Yeah, I heard about that. I never thought I'd see the day you'd become a cop." 

"Well, other things sort of fell through, you know?" 

"Hmm. I saw the press conference." 

"Yeah, well." 

"Yeah, I know. So, how is the Sentinel?" 

"He's doing great. Got pretty good control, now. He just can't be alone while he's at work, the job's way to dangerous. Anything could happen, you know?" 

"Hmm." 

"So how are you, Tommy? Things going okay?" 

"Yes, things are great. I've used all the techniques you taught me. Haven't had a problem since you left." I can hear the hurt in his voice. 

"Aw, Tommy." 

He sighs deeply and says, "I'm sorry, Blair. I didn't mean it like that." He reaches over and takes my hand again. I let him this time. He smiles at me. "I don't know what I would have done without you. You got my hearing under control for the first time in my life. I could never have kept playing without your help. I owe you everything, Blair." 

"You did the work. I just pointed you in the right direction." 

He grins at me and says, "Does Jim use the dial thing, too?" 

"Yeah, but he's got five of them, instead of one," I say, grinning back at him. 

"Well, I don't envy him the four extra he's got. I've had enough problems with only one heightened sense." 

"It's been hard for him. You know that. You know why I left, Tommy." I left him because Jim needed me more than he did. I loved Thomas with all my heart, but I couldn't be Jim's guide and Tommy's lover both. I wouldn't have been able to do justice to either of them and they both deserved better than that. Leaving the man I loved was the hardest thing I've ever done, harder even than the press conference. But it was the right thing to do. 

"Blair, I love you more than he ever will." 

"He says he loves me." 

"But do you love him?" 

I watch his eyes for a long time, knowing I could never lie to him. He'd hear it as quickly as Jim would. "I don't know," I whisper, dropping my eyes. "Sometimes I do, and when I feel that way, I tell him I do, but sometimes I'm not so sure it isn't just a Sentinel/Guide thing, you know? I don't know if it's real or not. But he's my best friend, now. And he needs me." 

"And what about you, Blair? What do you get out of it?" he asks softly. 

I'm quiet for a long time, thinking about my answer. He deserves the truth, and god knows I've wondered about this, myself. "I guess what I get out of it is knowing that the Sentinel is able to do his job, to protect his tribe. He couldn't do it without me. And I've continued the research. Maybe someday another Sentinel and Guide will need it, and it'll be there for them. It's not the life I planned, but it's not a bad life." 

"Not a bad life? Listen to yourself, Blair!" 

"I know, Tommy, I know." 

"Do you, Blair? I loved you with all my heart. Seeing you the other night, I just, I've come undone, Blair. I still love you. Can you honestly tell me you stopped loving me?" 

"You'll always be in my heart, Tommy. You know that." I look away, I can't stand to see the hurt in his eyes. God, I've hurt him so badly. 

"I don't want to be in your heart. I want to be in your arms," he says softly. 

"Don't do this, please." 

"Then tell me, are you happy?" 

I think about that for a moment. He waits patiently for my answer. Finally I say, "I guess I've become content with the way things are." 

"You deserve so much more than that, baby. We both do." 

"Well, maybe we do. But that's the way it is, man. I'm sorry." 

He watches me carefully for a moment, and finally I say, "Maybe I better go. I guess this wasn't a good idea, after all." 

He says, so softly I almost don't hear him, "No, maybe it wasn't." He pulls his hand away from mine and whispers. "If you see me again, somewhere? Please...." He closes his eyes, clenches his fist against his chest, right over his heart, and says, "Don't come over. I can't see you again, Blair. I can't do this again." 

"I'm sorry, Tommy. I'm so sorry..." I whisper. Then I get up, pull his fist away from his chest, and kiss his knuckles softly. He doesn't look at me. I turn and walk out, leaving two mugs of coffee, cold and unnoticed, sitting on the table. 

By the time I get to my car the tears are streaming down my face and I'm sobbing. I pull away fast, and drive to the beach, to a rocky outcrop north of town where I can sit and watch the waves, salt waves on the shore and salt tears running down my cheeks. And I let myself remember, just for a few minutes, I let myself remember the laughter in his eyes. The tender way he touched me when we made love. The feel of him inside me. I've never done that with Jim, and I never will. That was for Tommy, only for Tommy. I let myself remember the feel of his arms tight around me, and the sweet weight of him sleeping in my embrace, the smell of his skin, and the brush of his hair falling across my body. I remember the way I used to whisper sweet, dirty words to him from clear across the house. He'd hear me, and be hard and aching for me in seconds, my Sentinel with only one heightened sense. I remember, and I cry. But I left him for Jim. Jim needed me more. I quarantined my heart, and gave what was left of me to Jim. And I tell myself over and over, I did the right thing. I did the right thing. 

I did the right thing. 

Didn't I? 

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ 

He's gone to meet Thomas for coffee. Thomas, his ex-lover. The man he left, for me. 

My heart feels cold. I'm just not confident enough in us, in this relationship we have, to know for sure that he's coming home; that he'll come back to me. 

Because I know how he feels. Or rather, how he doesn't feel. He thinks I don't know about Thomas. He thinks I don't know they were lovers, but I do. I know that he loves Thomas, and he doesn't love me. At least he doesn't love me the way he loves him. 

I let him into my home, into my heart, and then coaxed him away from Thomas, and into my bed. I told him I needed him, and I do. I told him I loved him, and I do love him, with all my heart. But I know he doesn't love me back. I know, because he calls Tommy's name in his sleep, and then he smiles. And once, he called Tommy's name when I made him come. I don't think he even realized it, and I pretended not to hear, because I didn't want him to know that I know. 

But he stays with me out of duty, and maybe a bit out of friendship. And I'll keep him here, with me. Because I can't live without him. I can't be a Sentinel without him. I can't do my job without him. And now that I love him, I can't even be Jim Ellison without him, because without him, I'm nothing, no-one. And I keep telling myself I'm doing the right thing, keeping him here, when he loves Thomas and not me. I'm doing the right thing. 

I'm doing the right thing. 

Aren't I? 

* * *

End Quarantine by Pink Dragon: pinkdragon456@aol.com

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